What do you do when there is no toilet paper in a public restroom

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picture: Tera Petyanorak (stock struggle)

Bodily functions are messy, and no matter how carefully you plan, your body will betray you at some point, forcing you to get rid of public places that you would rather not get rid of. In such a desperate situation, we might witness a tunnel vision, not realizing the horror of an empty toilet paper dispenser until it’s too late. Instead of descending into self-loathing, make a plan of action. Here’s what to do when there’s no toilet paper in your bathroom stall.

asking for help

If you’re alone in the restroom, an obvious first step is to check the other stalls for supplies. If you’re not alone, connect with the kindness and love of your fellow human beings. If someone else is in the bathroom, swallow your pride and politely ask for help. You may feel embarrassed, but we all have to move our guts at some point, and that’s a lot better than the next few options we’ll explore.

use the else paper

If there is no one to get help from and no toilet paper is available at all, your next step is to consider non-standard paper products:

  • Toilet seat covers. These are your best choice if available. It’s hygienic and washable, so it’s really just weird-looking toilet paper anyway.
  • Tissue paper. If you can get some paper towels from the sink area, you’ll have a rough but effective alternative. You can reduce the roughness by dampening it slightly before use.
  • carton roll. A bare cardboard toilet paper roll may be making fun of you at the dispenser, but you Can Use it for a very unpleasant wiping experience. Like paper towels, you can make them marginally comfortable with some strategic wetting. (note the word Marginal in that sentence.)

check your pockets

Suppose you wander into something crazy max A toilet where there are no paper products at all – a wasteland for bacteria and shame. Then it’s time to find a hidden tank of paper on your person. Check your pockets and purse for anything – anything! – It can be used, as:

  • napkins. This is very clear, of course. If you have a pack of tissues in your coat pocket, your toilet experience won’t be too painful after all.
  • receipts. If you went to CVS right before you hit the bathroom, now you’re in luck. Paper receipts aren’t perfect, but they can get the job done. Sure, you might not be able to return your unwise impulse purchases, but you’ll beat the entropy for another day, which is nothing.
  • covers. Likewise, candy wrappers or other packaging in a bag or in your pocket may also provide a little emergency relief here.
  • monetary. Well, hear me out. Yes, that makes this bathroom the most expensive public restroom I’ve ever used, but wasting some one-dollar bills might be worth it in this case. If you don’t have any singles, you will have to engage in a serious conversation with yourself regarding the price of your dignity.

Make a bidet with your own hands

Americans are strangely anti-bidets, but even if you think using a stream of water to clean yourself after poop is a vicious communist plot to weaken American resolve, in emergency situations anything goes. If you have a water bottle, consider using it for cleaning without paper. Water is very effective at this – which is why billions of people around the world use it instead of or with toilet paper – so this could be an excellent choice. And the beginning of new and exciting frontiers to explore.

Sacrifice your wardrobe

Ah, we have come to the last circle of hell. I’ve been in the restroom for half an hour and decided there was no help coming and no alternative supplies. You may suddenly realize that you’ve defeated in a closet instead of in a real toilet. Whatever the reason, there is literally nothing that can be used as a substitute for toilet paper. Except, of course, your own clothes.

Yes, terrifying. but also! Better than the alternative, albeit marginally. Your choices (in order from least scary to scariest) are:

  • stockings. Socks are your best option once you hit that bottom because they come in pairs. Once you’re done cleaning, you can carefully insert the soiled sock inside the mate, making it relatively easy and hygienic to litter.
  • underwear. Thinking that your underwear will be ruined anyway if you don’t do something, perhaps makes their sacrifice really important.
  • under wear. If you’re wearing an undershirt or layers of shirts, you probably don’t need them all.

Final note: Whatever you use in this case (except toilet seat covers), Don’t flush it in the toilet. Even paper products like towels or tissue paper shouldn’t be washed, because they won’t degrade like toilet paper (the tissues are designed to withstand explosive sneezes, after all, and last a long time, clogging up our sewage systems, for example). If you have to resort to one of these desperate measures, brace yourself and walk the leftovers to the trash.

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